Who wants to help me with a project?

My proposition is simple: help me with this project, and you will not regret it.


There will be train robberies and train wrecks.

There will be races of all sorts; car, bike, big rig, plane, train, balloon,
ostrich, etc.

There will be dinosaurs and other prehistoric beasts running a muck and battling
with tooth and nail.

There will be super heroes, super villains, and super models.

There will be WWII dog fights.

There will be talking animals and inanimate objects; all adorable as hell.

There will be shark attacks and shark hunts.

There will be epic storms and natural disasters.

There will be battles of the pistol, blade, hand, and mind.

There will be zombies, werewolves, and one or two vampires, (there are too many of
them today and they’ve gotten so lame.)

There will be boobs….

There will be moon landings, space explorations, and battles with aliens.

There will be butt-loads of ghosts, (not the gay kinds like Casper, more like the
ones you can’t see at all.)

There will be legendary battles between legendary creatures, (Loch Ness Monster Vs.
Abominable Snowman, Yetis Vs. Leprechauns, Unicorns Vs. James Earl Jones, etc.)

There will be fictional characters, good and evil, literary and film, that will come
to reality and raise hell.

There will be fights and battles that answer age old questions like “Which are better, Pirates or Ninjas?”

There will be murders, bank robberies, and kidnappings.

There will be intense sexual moments, both romantic and erotic.

There will be puppets. : )

There will be dramatic court proceedings.

There will be extreme table tennis.

There will be prison escapes, and death row shenanigans.

There will be randy sexual excursions with high school and college students.

There will be lame stereotypical moments by the lockers at school.

There will be daredevils who do stunts for glory and jackasses who do stunts for the amusement of idiots.

There will be politically thrilling moments.

There will be British spies who have sex with women that have names that can be
misconstrued as sexual innuendo.

There will be robots, good and evil, from the past and future.

There will be heartwarming sports moments involving a golden retriever in some way.

There will be KUNG FU!!!!! (and every other martial art.)

There will be vengeance and revenge.

There will be angels.

There will be demons.

There will be revolution, evolution, and ……pollution?

There will be epiphanies and enlightenments.

There will be DRAGONS!

There will be giant mutants from Planet X.

There will be Special Olympics.

There will be regular Olympics.

There will be hostage negotiations.

There will be unlikely friendships.

There will be islands with survivors.

There will be cat and mouse chases.

There will be treasure hunts.

There will be historically accurate moments.

There will be torture.

There will be evil dolls.

There will be cannibal Psychiatrists.

There will be gang wars.

There will be betrayal.

There will be robot wives.

There will be mummies.

There will be apes that talk and ride horses.

There will be witches, wizards, warlocks, elves, dwarfs, ogres, and pretty much
every mystical creature/being (except for those useless hobbits.)

There will be machete wielding goalies and nightmare haunting pedophiles.

There will be monsters in the closet and under the bed.

There will be school rivalries with slutty cheerleaders.

There will be communist soldiers that invade Michigan.

There will be stalkers.

There will be haunted houses, mansions, and caves.

There will be horror.

There will be Science Fiction

There will be action.

There will be romance.

There will be comedy.

There will NOT be romantic comedy….

There will be a rip in the space time continuum due to the complete and total chaos (with a hint of utter mayhem), and all of time will thrust together in one moment. Every war ever fought, EVER, will suddenly be occurring all at once. Every good moment and bad moment will be simultaneous in nature. Every drop of blood that was ever spilled as a result of violence will flood the world as every person who has ever lived spirals into a delirious death. Because of this, both Jesus and Satan will appear on Earth and begin the battle to end all battles and John Williams’ “Duel of the Fates” will sound throughout the globe as they fight to the finish.

It will star everyone in existence. It will have a soundtrack comprised of every hit Rock song from 1960 to 1990. It will include every genre and plot. It will be the greatest movie ever, and it will be titled as such (seeing as how it is the only name fitting and worthy of said film.) And we will sit and watch “The Greatest Movie Ever” and we will instantly orgasm as the film begins. Tears will be jerked. Ribs will be tickled. Guts will be wrenched. Minds will be blown. Bones will be broken. Bowels will be moved. The epic grandness of it will bring about the end of the world, as we all perish, watching “The Greatest Movie Ever.”

What a way to die….

Oh, and the only person not in the movie is Owen Wilson, and he won't be watching it either, so he will be the last man on Earth; miserable without anyone to rant to like an asshole. : )

“The Greatest Movie Ever”
In theaters everywhere, December 21, 2012.