I was wondering what to write this about, because I wanted to do one for the holiday, (yeah I know, Lame, whatever), and Josh gave me a good idea in his last entry. He asked, "In what way would you like to kill a turkey?" or something along those lines. Here is my answer....
I would drug the turkey in a discreet way, like a date rape drug or something. Then I would shackle him to a toilet in an old bathroom. When he woke up, a TV would come on and a creepy pilgrim puppet would come appear on the screen. He would turn to the camera and say this:
"Hello....I want to play a game....you live a hollow life....never paying attention to Mrs. Tom Turkey....you've lost count of the number of illegitemate chicks you have....you've lost credability amongst your peers....you've lost touch with reality....I'm going to help you....I'm giving you a second chance....I will teach you to love your children and appreciate life....I will help you gain respect in the public eye....I will help you snap back to reality....you have been injected with super-tryptophan....in a matter of moments, you will fall into a deep sleep....and NEVER wake up....that is, unless you drink the Red Bull Energy Drink I have placed on the table across the room....but in order to do that, you'd have to break free of your shackles....think of it as a metaphor for your pathetic life....your time is almost up....you must make your choice....let the game begin...."
The turkey would begin to panic and think of a way to break free. He would just flap around and gobble like crazy. Then the fatigue and tryptophan kicks in, and the turkey would finally die. His meat will be nice and tender from the immense amount of adrenaline fueled pandemonium.
And THAT is how I would like to kill my turkey....
